Den, ai hod yu in (Extras)
by uhohmaeday
Summary: Additional content to go along with my fic "Den, ai hod yu in." Can be read alone or accompanying the main fic. Clexa-centric.
1. Prayer in C (Clarke)

_a/n: This is the first Songfic to accompany my fic, __Den, ai hod yu in__. I suggest you check it out, but you can read these pieces as standalones. Each chapter of my fic will have at least one Songfic to accompany it. Most will have two, one from Lexa's POV and one from Clarke's POV. They will explore the emotion of the story and events in a way not told in __Den, ai hod yu in__. Partially I am just doing this for fun, but they add another dimension to the story._

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**Song: **Prayer in C – Lilly Wood and The Prick (Original not remix)  
**Chapter: **Gonplei (Fight) – Chapter 1  
_All songfics take place __after__ the chapter it's accompanying and __before__ the next chapter.  
_**POV: **Clarke toward Lexa  
**Notes: **This deals with Clarke's feelings of being betrayed after Mount Weather and slowly feeling like she can no longer forgive Lexa in part due to Lexa not making contact with her.  
_Disclaimer: All quoted song lyrics are not mine and are under the rights of their respective owner(s)._

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_"Yeah, you never said a word.  
__You didn't send me no letter.  
__Don't think I could forgive you."_

Exhaling was difficult. Inhaling was even worse. Every breath was just a painful reminder that no contact had been made. Once Lexa was gone, she was gone. Never once in that week since the battle at Mount Weather had any word from the Commander been received, and that broke everything Clarke had built up.

_"See our world is slowly dying.  
__I'm not wasting no more time.  
__Don't think I could believe you."_

The more days that past, the more set in her decision Clarke became: All the words Lexa told her before she left weren't true. The Commander did not care about Clarke. And the blonde herself had no more reason to believe any word that had ever come out of the woman's mouth.

_"Yeah, our hands will get more wrinkled.  
__And our hair will be grey.  
__Don't think I could forgive you."_

Each beat of her heart was a reminder of the way it would pound in her chest at Lexa's shows of power, compassion, and mercy. But it was also a reminder that she was closer and closer to her last beat, and in that moment she was certain she could never forgive the Commander until her last heart beat.

_"And see the children are starving.  
__And their houses were destroyed.  
__Don't think they could forgive you."_

Flashbacks to the missile hitting Ton DC were the worst. Nothing could save Clarke from the carnage displayed in her mind. Each picture started to ingrain itself deeper within her mind, and with each image placed neatly in front of her closed eyes the thought of Lexa ever earning her forgiveness became a far distant memory.

_"Hey, when seas will cover lands.  
__And when men will be no more.  
__Don't think you can forgive you.  
__Yeah, when there'll just be silence.  
__And when life will be over.  
__Don't think you will forgive you."_

Ice started to run through Clarke's veins with every step she took. The bitterness and anger she felt froze solid in place, and not only was Clarke's forgiveness on the line. But the ability for the Lexa for forgive herself.

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**_"Don't think you will forgive you."_**


	2. Pray to God (Lexa)

**Song: **Pray to God – Calvin Harris ft. Haim  
**Chapter: **Gonplei (Fight) – Chapter 1  
_All songfics take place __after__ the chapter it's accompanying and __before__ the next chapter.  
_**POV: **Lexa toward Clarke  
**Notes: **This deals with Lexa's feelings regarding her decision at Mount Weather and feeling conflicted at her decision.  
_Disclaimer: All quoted song lyrics are not mine and are under the rights of their respective owner(s)._

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_"Oh, I remember when this road was my own.  
I pray to god, I just don't know anymore.  
I pray to god, I just don't know anymore.  
Anymore.  
I lost the feeling, but I try to hold on.  
I thought the end of a love and what made you strong.  
I pray to god, I just don't know anymore."_

Ever since those 100 had come down, everything had been different. Before Lexa's 300 soldiers were burnt to a crisp. Before she had made contact with their leader. Before she had learned her name. Before her heart grew to know Clarke's. Before she decided to turn against her heart and use her head. Before all that she was alone. And now, she was alone again. Because of a choice she made. A choice that could never be taken back and a choice that Lexa wasn't sure she would have made again.

_"When there's no getting through,  
I won't hold back.  
I will throw down anything in life, I know now.  
I've been lying on the floor.  
Sleeping on the ground.  
I will give up everything in life, I know how."_

Her nights since her decision had mostly been filled with restless sleep that landed her in awkward positions on her bed in an attempt to find rest. But instead of sleeping, she would find herself replaying leaving Clarke. And making up the scenario of meeting her again. There was no going back, but there was the ability for her to show Clarke how much she truly did care. She could lay it all on the line, and she knew how to. She knew how to give up all that she had been holding back. She knew how to give up all that protection. Because she had done the exact opposite. She had given up her openness to love. She knew how to give everything up. And she could do it again.

_"Cause I can't stop wondering  
if I was too late to see the signs.  
If I could go back with hands up,  
I'd look up to the sky and give in.  
I'd give in. I'd give in.  
I'd give into you.  
Give into you."_

Days passed and Lexa's mind wouldn't stop. The regret that filled her head was only subdued by the fact that she couldn't change what was done. Though, she knew if given a chance she would. She would go back and make a choice. A different choice. She wasn't sure what that choice would be, but she knew it would change. Because she couldn't get the image of Clarke's eyes out of her mind.

_"Oh, when the moon was shining bright before morning,  
I made a deal with the stars to keep holding.  
Shining bright to come and bring me back home.  
The lights in my eyes, they disappeared.  
The visions in my mind are enough to keep me from fear.  
I won't let it hold me down. The other way around.  
I don't want the words to, I can't make a sound."_

Late night walks became Lexa's friend. She would stare up at the moon through the trees, and she was sure that talking to the sky was almost like talking to Clarke. After all, she was a Sky person. But over time the words melted on her tongue, and the hope in her eyes faded. The sky was not Clarke. Any agreement she made with the moon or the stars would not become fact. Clarke was still gone, and so Lexa fell silent once more.

_"Cause I can't stop wondering  
if I was too late to see the signs.  
If I could go back with hands up,  
I'd look up to the sky and give in.  
I'd give in. I'd give in.  
I'd give into you.  
Give into you."_

One night on the way back to camp from a walk, Lexa fell to her knees and stared up at the sky. A scream rose in her throat, but no sound came out. She could not keep doing this. There was no going back, but all she wanted was to take her words back. To put that smile back on Clarke's face instead of the tremble on her lips. And so she pulled herself back to her feet, and she sighed. There was no going back.

_"Can't hold back, reaching out.  
I was living in the heat in the moment.  
Between us I told you that.  
I was living in the heat in the moment.  
I'd give in.  
I was living in the heat in the moment.  
I'd give in.  
I was living in the heat in the moment.  
I'd give in.  
I was living in the heat in the moment.  
I'd give into to you.  
Give into you."_

There was no taking anything back. The words were said. The words were final. And at the time she had no choice. There was no time for thought. There was no time for bridging the gap between her heart and her head. Her head was the easy choice. She chose the easy choice, and she saved her people. But she betrayed her heart. With a simple decision she betrayed her heart. She wouldn't do that again.

_"And give in.  
I'd give in.  
I'd give in.  
I'd give into you.  
Give into you.  
And give in.  
I'd give in.  
I'd give in.  
I'd give into you.  
__**Give into you."**_


End file.
